Kai's Komic Kaptions 10

"Kai wonders how hard it would be to convince the Kai Droolers into becoming members of the Kai VAS. (Visual Appreciation Society)  He is getting tired of his boots being soggy all the time. - theFrey

"Sometimes, former Divine Assassins just get the urge to kill something, you know?" - StormBorn

"Kai thinks: 'It is a good day for many ATF officers to die. Besides, I can impress these idiots with my excellent aim and lack of a sense of humor at the same time." - PrimaNightwind

"Lex, I can't understand your directions, what's wrong with your voice, it sounds all squeaky . . . .how do you expect me to hit my mark? . . . HEY. PUT DOWN THE HELIUM!!"  -  mayaxiong

"Oh, crap! My fly's open! Maybe I can... just... get it closed without anybody noticing!"  - dgrequeen

"Xev, put down my hairspray, *prepares brace arm* or suffer the consequences." - XevZev

"Four thousand plus years of you freaks has proven that the Dead do indeed get irritated!" - StormBorn

"I just feel so *dead* inside....." - NB1 

"I know I'm very attractive, just don't lose your head over me......" - NB1

 "Kai is thinking he would give 10 ounces of proto-blood for just one bobby-pin!!!" - NB1

"Wait a minute. Explain this to me. You get to guest on our show, but we've never guest stared on yours? Paaaaaaaaul !!!" - theFrey

"Moth Man: You called me commissioner?" - emma_peel

"Kai: I don't care what you do to the loveslave, I am NOT exchanging this black uniform for one of those unfashionable day-glo jumpsuits!" - PrimaNightwind

"You're just jealous because my costume was cooler than yours.. nyah..so there.." -mayaxiong

"Kai: Explain it to me again. What is a laser scope?" - Max Payne

"I don't care WHAT she said, I am *not* here for a conjugal visit." - Aurora

"Kai: No! I do NOT want to see any dirty pictures!" - dgrequeen

"Kai: What do you mean, a trade?  Warder: It's really quite simple. Your arm-weapon thingie for the love slave. It's really a fair deal.  Kai: Alright. * twapppppt, warden gets decapitated by brace*  Kai: He asked for it." - X

"Kai: You call this a prison? Back in the Cluster, a prison was a *prison.*  Warden: Deal with it, dead guy." -StormBorn

"Kai: I see that your body will consume a carrot in the future...the bad news is that your mouth will not be involved...." - NB1

"Kai is quietly pleased to realize that after six thousand years, he has finally matured enough that he no longer reads the funnies first." - theFrey

"A Kai impersonater reads the 'Xenia news weekly.'" - 

"Hmmmmmm, a meeting of Viewers against Lexx is being held in Orlando, Florida......." - Weyrldy

"Most interesting...there are hundreds of job openings for assassins on this planet..." - PrimaNightwind

"Crap, my horse came in last at the races again today, I'm going to have to stop listening to Stan's advice, I lost a bundle again. Wait, this is last weeks paper, BLAST YOU STAN!!"   - Mayaxiong

"Dammit!  Again, Xev gets the cover, and I get a 2"" X 2"" plug on page 46. That BITCH!!!" - Max Payne

"Kai *does not* check his horoscope when he reads the paper because ... Everyone, all together, . . . 'The Dead Have No Future!'" - theFrey

"Here's an interesting ad: 'Guaranteed to stop hair loss'. Hmm, maybe I should look into that. " - dgrequeen

"Hmmn...they were sold out of 'Soldier of Fortune,' but this looks interesting." - StormBorn

"'DWMA (dead white male assassin) seeks same for companionship, visits to opera. Painful crotch-ware a must.' How odd..." - Lizard

"Kai thinking: I told Xev the LAST time she did this. 'Do not trust hillbillys' I said. But nooooo. They *NEVER* listen to the DEAD guy!" - XevZev

"Mmmmmm, I'm going to take this back to the Lexx for *my Baby* Squish to poo-poo on......." - NB1

"Kai, longs to take a comb to that mess Xev calls her hair." - theFrey

"While Xev looked at Sex for Dummies, Kai wondered whether he should tell her the book was upside down." -  Weyrldy

"Kai: No matter how many books in which you check, Xev, none of them call that mess upon your head 'styled'!" - PrimaNightwind

"Look, how many times do I have to tell you, I DON'T EAT! Now please throw away that stupid cookbook!! I know they say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, but I don't have either one!!" - mayaxiong

"Kai Whispering: pssst. It's upside down Xev" - Max Payne

"WoooW! First it's a face, then upside down it's a women." - emma_peel

"Kai: No, you stupid cow, it is NOT a sex manual, and anyway, you're HOLDING IT UPSIDE DOWN!" - dgrequeen

"Kai: I am sorry to interrupt Xev, but do you have any idea how this sci-fi channel logo got on my sleeve?" - Max Payne

"It's a book! Even Stan knows what a book is! Boy, you really are a bimbo, aren't you?" - StormBorn

"Xev reading a Kama Sutra book: Wow Kai! These look REALLY fun. How about we check into a Motel 6 and try em?  Kai: Xev, the book is upside down. *Xev flips over the book and gasps* I'm half cluster lizard, not half rubber!"  - XevZev

"Forget the book, Xev, we have *got* to find you a salon!"  - StormBorn

"Belly Button girl and Moth Man reads the manuel to the Moth Mobile on how to turn on the Moth wipers." - emma_peel

"Darn it! I thought he said he was going to give me a little *Nook*!" - NB1

"It's days like today that make Kai wish he had never given up the assassin biz." - theFrey

"Group behind him taunting: Bad, bad, naughty dead assassin!  Kai thinks: 'Well, Xev never complained....perhaps I should get rid of these irritating fools and find Xev....she always appreciates a good, hard, frozen assassin....." - PrimaNightwind

"Psst...Stan...I..see...live...people..." - mayaxiong

"Revenge of the Nerds 6 - this time they built a cybernot." - emma_peel

"Kai: ""I hate it when people whisper behind my back." - dgrequeen

"The Earthlings stare in amazement, as Kai storms off muttering ' Why can't I ride in the wheelchair. Why, Why??'" - Max Payne

"Michael: Dammit, who let them in? SECURITY!!!!!!!!!!!!" - Logan55

"Kai: No, I do not use hairspray, gel, or mousse.'  *Everyone laughs, then there's a loud THUD as three heads hit the ground at the same time*"  - XevZev

"Thank you for your suggestions, but I do not think baggy jeans and Star Trek t-shirts are appropriate for my line of work." - StormBorn

"Dark Zone, Light Zone--geeks are still geeks." - StormBorn

"If that one in the middle makes a play for me, I'll Die!! Oh, Damn!!!" - NB1

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