Kai's Komic Kaptions 24


"Gosh, it certainly is a good thing the dead feel no pain. After 4000 years this could smart a bit." - theFrey

"Even though the dead have no wants or feelings to fall back on, they still manage to do an awfully cute confused." - theFrey

"*sniff-sniff* What in the hell have the living burned now?" - lafemmenikita

 "Hmmm... where'd I put that protoblood...?" - PeridotEyes

"Kai: I know I was supposed to do something today...what was it?...Geez, It took 6000 years for the Alzheimer's to finally kick in.." - mayaxiong

"Kai discovers that the dead *do* have a keen sense of smell as the living continually pass wind." - PrimaNightwind

"Kai:  Geez Stan! What crawled up in you and died?...oops...my bad..." - Griever

"And I told Stan the dead do not poo! Now I'm gonna have to eat my words! Damn!" - dgrequeen

"Kai pouts as he realizes he's been demoted from divine assassin to ship proctologist." - Paine

"Why do I have this overwhelming desire to read a newspaper???" - NB1

"Kai: Oh, sh*t! I've forgotten the words of a Brunnen-G Anthem!... XEEEEEEEEEV!!!" - Malina

"He looks like my dog after I smack him with the paper." - GotHope

"Why hasn't anyone probed me? I probed them." - GotHope

"MM: Paul, this sexy cut on Xenia's dress is distracting me from the scenario! I can't read my lines in such conditions!" - Malina

"PAAAAAUL!!!! Who put my brace into my TRUOSERS?!?!?!" - Malina

"*sniff - sniff* hmmm...don't remember eating that!" - Griever"

"Kai gives his 'Brooding-G' look." - NB1

"The Divine Assassin suddenly feels an urge to become a Divine Philosopher." - StormBorn

"Too cool to poo." - StormBorn



  "Let me check. As soon as you are done with this gig, you have to do the Grecian Formula endorsements, then you have the voice overs for the Feminine Hygiene people. Ummm, you waste time on that little play thing of yours, and then....    A cold heavy feeling settles over Michael as he stares at his new manager. He is now horribly aware that there are worse things in the two Universes than the Lexx gig." - theFrey

"Oops, did I say that out loud?" - PeridotEyes

"Michael checks his image in the studio monitor..""Wow, I had no idea my face was getting this puffy...and the camera adds 10 pounds on top of that! Good thing this is my last year! I'd hate to be called ""old geezer Kai!" - mayaxiong

"Kai, says PD offscreen: Hold your breath all you want - you're going to go to the Neptune Theatre auditions with the rest of the unemployed!"- PrimaNightwind

"Jeffrey! This isn't the script you gave me last week! It says here I have to... poo!" - dgrequeen

"Paul, the bun's caving in... help!" - DalekTek790

"Michael:  Paul, I think that the shower scene with Bunny is not good enough. I really think we should reshoot it... Paul, pleeeeease!... I'll do ANYTHING! I promise!... Paul!!!" - Malina

"Kai:  Nooooo, Xev! I'm already drunk! I can't see vodka any more!!!" - Malina

"Kai: Why?... WHY every girl I meet wants to ride on my back?!" - Malina

"A strange and weird feeling has just come over Kai: He'd liked to have that carrot back!!! " - NB1


"Geezeee Kai, Okay, Okay. Next time I won't wax the inside of the Cryopod. Who knew you would keep sliding out?" - theFrey

"Starch? I don't know anything about the extra starch in your Cod piece." - theFrey

"Stan: Kai?! Wait! What are you doing??  Kai: I am merely performing the action requested on the sign attached to your back that says, BRACE ME.  790: DO IT KAI !!  790 is nearly busting with glee as his plan unfolds..." - lafemmenikita

"Downey is uncomfortable now whenever McManus stands behind him." -PeridotEyes

"Brian passes Michael on the street corner five years from now....Wow, who'd have thought you'd hang on to that wig this long..?" - mayaxiong

"Michael: YOU'RE the one who told Jeffrey to write that scene in the toilet, AREN'T you!!!!" - dgrequeen


"Kai: Stanley, if you ever talk to *my* robot head like that again..." - LiannaX

"Kai knew he should have gotten a hamster instead, his new pet Stan has to be walked every ten minutes." - Paine

"Kai to Stan: Tag - you're IT!" - Logan55

"Kai:  Where are you going so fast, Stan?   Stan: I've been running to the toilet room before you scared me so much!... But now I'm late anyway..." - Malina

"Micheal finds out that Brian thought up Kai's pooing scene" - darkcrow23

"Stan:  Kai did anyone ever tell you that you can be a REAL pain in the neck!!!!?????" - NB1

"Stanley: Back off, Kai, Xev was the one who wanted HER ears pierced!!" - NB1

"Now, a little lower...yeah...yeah...now to the left a bit--that's the spot!" - StormBorn



"Oh Pauuuuuul, could you come here for a minute?" - theFrey

"McManus prepares to exact his revenge." - PeridotEyes

"And *this* is your bun on steroids. Any questions?" - lafemmenikita

"It's the best Alien Detector in the Dark Zone, buy it today!" - PeridotEyes

"MM: Gah! Damn Sci-Fi gerbils, I've got something for THEM!" - mayaxiong

"I used to be just another dead ex-assassin. Then I discovered Penetral, the new alien scout detector. Now I'm the life of the party." - Jade

"A cure for thudding" - PeridotEyes

"Wanna play doctor?" - dgrequeen

"You say you don't like the fourth season? Look directly into this light." - DalekTek790

"Call 1-800-THE-LEXX and I'll prong you today!" - PeridotEyes

"I'm 6,000 years old. Do YOU want beautiful skin, too? Use Prong-O!" - PeridotEyes

"Kai prepares to test his new brace attachment." -  PeridotEyes

"What? Of course I washed it!" - LiannaX

"Paging Dr. Kai, your 2:00 is here." - PeridotEyes

"Forced to do commercials to feed Stan and Xev, Kai becomes the new spokesman for Swedish Sex toys." - Paine

"Kai: Stop laughing Xev, it is called a t-a-m-p-o-n and you DO insert it there!!  I *SAID* stop laughing!!" - NB1

"Kai: NOW... you too can have beautiful stylish hair like me! Please call 1800-H-A-I-R to order your Giga 2000 Curling Iron today!" - scifiend

"Kai's secret S&M fetish comes out" - darkcrow23

"Michael:  Paul... I DON'T even WANT to know what I'm supposed to do with THIS by the scenario!" - Malina

"Kai in a quiet whisper:  C'mon, Stanley, I REALLY need it!    Stanley:  No way, Kai!!! I can't give you my... eeeh... instrument... even for a while... even if you need it for one night with Xev!!!" - Malina

"Stanley:  Xev, look! This is my present for your birthday!  Xev:  A real condom?!... Quite *big*!... Kai! What's your size?" - Malina

"In my memories I remembered I liked doing this to others. Even more than I liked balloons." - darkcrow23

"Pucker up, baby!" - PeridotEyes

"I have pronged mothers and their...no, wait, what's my line again?" - PeridotEyes

"The props department let McManus to choose his own prop for this episode, and the cast trembles in fear." - PeridotEyes

"Here's an entirely new meaning for the words space probe." - PeridotEyes

"No one will doubt that Kai gets the most a$$ in this ep." - PeridotEyes

"McManus secretly exults:  I love these props!" - PeridotEyes



"Kai takes a deep breath (why I have no idea) and consults his inner corpse." - theFrey

"Kai says a quick prayer in hopes that the Viagra pill he just took lives up to it's claim." - lafemmenikita

"Whatever he's doing, Kai is the best lookin' dead man in the two universes." - PeridotEyes

"Control booth: Mr. McManus, they're ready for your audition.. Mr. McManus?...Sir.?...He's asleep again, and still wearing that silly wig...  MM: ..ZZZNNKKKKXXXXSS..." - mayaxiong

"Kai: Oh whoops... I forgot...the dead really shouldn't eat chilli...." - Griever

"Oh man! No more bean burritos for lunch for this corpse!!" - dgrequeen

"I smell Stronboli." - GotHope 

"There's no precedent for this scene in any of John Wayne's work. Guess McManus came up with his own motivation." - PeridotEyes

"MM thinks:  Michael, your face must stay serious! You're playing the dead assassin! Concentrate on it!... Oh, my God, it WON'T help anyway!!" -Malina

"Xenia:  Let's go, Michael, they're waiting for us! MM: No... not this wig again!" - Malina

"Sometimes, Kai just *pretends* to run out of protoblood so they'll leave him alone." - StormBorn

"Xev is obviously twiddling with Kai's rods again!!!!" - NB1

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