Kai's Komic Kaptions 26

Oh please lord, just let me make it though these last few episodes with my professional status unscathed! - theFrey

Hmm... pick up dry cleaning, buy more coffee, get oil change... did I turn off the iron this morning? - dgrequeen

MM: Cut!!! this is my bad side - darkcrow23

Kai: This tatoo on my cheek symbolizes the how this episode will trail off at the end. - LexxLurker

you did what to my cropod? - darkcrow23

DMV Officer: Okay, Mr. Kai, turn this way and face the camera!  Kai:  Sigh....great, now I'm stuck being Xev's new chauffeur.. - mayaxiong

Michael McManus wonders if he'll ever be able to smile again after maintaining one facial expression for so many years. - DalekTek790

Fourteen eps down, ten to go -  PeridotEyes

And how long is my contract for again? 'Life'? But I am dead. - PrimaNightwind

Why are Stan's underwear stuck on the ceiling? - GotHope

MM: What d'ya mean cheer up! This *is* my happy face... - Griever

McManus starts to count down the remaining hours of Lexx left to film... - Griever

The dead do not do spin-offs - darkcrow23

Landrew Zyeth, renowned artist, unveils the Official Kai Portrait that will hang in the Mausoleum of the Not Quite Dead, in Washington..... - NB1

Don't hate me because I'm beautiful. - StormBorn

MM: Oh God...another drooler spy cam.... - Griever



Alone in his cyropod...erm, freezer, Kai whiles away the hours by playing with his brace. - theFrey

And if you dip it in soapy water, it makes great bubbles! - dgrequeen

Kai: Well I found your problem. I'm gunna have to take this back to the shop. - darkcrow23

I told you kids, the pizza rolls are MINE!!! - Foxtrick

Mirror, Mirror, in my hand, Who's the Baddest Dude in all the Land?? - NB1

Kai:  So what's the big deal? Superman has his phone booth, why can't I have my freezer? Okay, I know it's no cryopod, but it'll have to do - mayaxiong

Hey, I never noticed this writing before. Expiration date: June 1, 1997. Wait a minute... -DalekTek790

I told you we should've gotten the one that was frost-free!' - PeridotEyes

Get your new Freezer Burn Kai, the latest Lexx action figure! Floppy brace sold separately. - PeridotEyes

When you're in the mood for a yummy frozen treat, why not try an Assassin? Tasty and so good for you, too. They're in your grocer's freezer section. - PeridotEyes

See, I told you it was a frost-free brace! - Micromary

The brace also comes in handy for a ice pick. - GotHope

MM: Bitchin'!! ...oops wrong episode... - Griever

Stan off camera: Uh oh, now he's mad. I TOLD you the tanning bed was a bad idea! - Sarcasmagoria

Kai in a fit of rage decides to use his brace to swat the Sci-Fi channel's logo - darkcrow23

6000 years with only one toy...you'd think they'd chip in to buy me a balloon or something. - StormBorn

Time does *not* fly when you're dead. - StormBorn

The brace does not make for good shadow puppets. - StormBorn



Kai doesn't quite understand what has happen here, it was one of his best assassin stories. The dead are not boring, are they? - theFrey

The crew are forced to watch the last three episodes of Lexx. And they are not happy about it. - darkcrow23

Kai thinks: Remove the candle from Stanley that he claims to have fallen on, or grope Xev. Hummm, decisions, decisions. - LexxLurker

OK, she's almost asleep, and then I can cop a feel! - xevlexx 

 Stan:  Hi Kai, want some chips?   Kai:  No, please tune to a news service.  Stan: Can't. Bob just told Carol he got Alice pregnant.  Kai: Then I will return to cold storage.   Stan: Suit yourself.  Kai: The dead do not suit themselves - Splarka

Kai: The dead do not watch Oprah.  Stan: Whatcha gonna do Kai? I've got the remote.  Kai using brace to snatch the remote: Had the remote Stan.  - Splarka

Kai may be dead, but his male instincts still demand that *he* control the remote. - theBrother

Yes, the rumors of a Spin-Off series of LEXX were true! Sadly, it seems to have turned out to be a home-soap Oprah series... - Grimace

Is Kai staring at Xev's cleavage...or Stans butt? - Grimace

Kai in his new role as Al Bundy in the 2005 remake of 'Married With Children'... - mayaxiong

Number 114: the dead do not experience jealousy. Number 115: the dead do not use availability heuristics. Number 116... Xev regrets asking Kai for a list of things the dead do not do. - DalekTek790

Kai wonders if this is what is meant by 'boob tube'. - Micromary

Kai looks at the limp bodies with a sigh that the living are too quickly tired out, and wonders how he'll get off with his brace now... - PrimaNightwind

Stan:  Over 200 channels and still nothing on. - darkcrow23

As Stan stared entranced by the 'Trading Spaces' marathon, Kai wondered silently if he'd be able to cop a quick feel on Xev without waking her up. - Sarcasmagoria

As we suspected, emotionless dead people are just about the only ones who can make it through more than one episode of 'Yes, Dear.' - Sarcasmagoria

Xev and Stan have just viewed their first Jerry Springer Show and Kai is anxiously awaiting 'Night of the Living Dead' to start!! - NB1

Stan: Hey! Does this thing get Sci-Fi - darkcrow23

The Dead do not do couch potato. - PeridotEyes

Kai: Is it me? Or has Xev's boobs gotten bigger?  Stan: Kai, what'd you say?  Kai:  Oh..nothing.... - DarkClusterLzrdXev

This upholstery might go well with their outfits, but it really clashes with mine. - StormBorn

Kai to self: These guys just don't appreciate curling. - canuk

 Kai: I know Xev is asleep Stan but I am still NOT going to use the probe on you again. I would suggest you modify your wants... - NB1

Kai: I'm sorry but I tried to warn you what a 6,000 year old fart would smell like... - Griever



Kai:  The light goes off, Stanley.  Stan: Thanks, Kai. - Congratulations to DalekTek790 winner of the 6th Kai Kaption Kontest

It is episodes like this one that make it hard for Kai to get out of the freezer in the morning. - theFrey

Hey! How come my freezer only ever has bread crusts for the birds and the occasional turkey, I want the one that comes with the 'Dead Assassin Food Locator!' - theFrey

Kai: Hey! Wait a minute, how did I get in here?!? - darkcxrow23

Kai: Damn, I'm going to have to stop those proto-blood keggers, this is the third time this week I've passed out, and ended up in the County Morgue's cold room - mayaxiong

After a long night of drinking. Kai awakes to realize this is not his bathtub - darkcrow23

McManus is thinking: Maybe it's time to cut back on the beer. I coulda suffocated in here. - PeridotEyes

'This tanning bed sucks.' - PeridotEyes

Sometimes Kai just can't get it out. - PeridotEyes

McManus hopes no one will notice his substance abuse problem. It's the only way he can get through the remaining 10 episodes... - PeridotEyes

After 6000 frickin' years, we finally get a house, and do I get a real *bed*? Noooooo, I get this lousy freezer! - dgrequeen

Much to his annoyance, Kai discovers that he DOES remember what it is like to have a hangover. - PrimaNightwind

Kai: The dead do need nicotine....fast... - Griever

Salter Street unveils the latest in Lexx merchandising for children, 'The Kai in the Box!!!!' - NB1

Kai's job as a Frigidaire salesman is not going as well as he'd hoped. - anotherthurman

Kai thinking: I knew I should've watched where I was going, now I'm stuck in a mini freezer...My butt's gonna get freezer burn. - DarkClusterLzrdXev

Kai in training for his Maytag repairman gig - StormBorn

Kai: Dude, Where's my cryopod? - Griever



Don't worry Kai, it happens to every man once in a while. - theFrey

Kai suddenly realizes he's developed a problem with premature bracelation.  -dgrequeen

The dead do get limp timmys - darkcrow23

Kai: The Dead do not need Viagra - Lexx Lurker

And this is 'around the dark zone'. Those Duncan yo-yo kids got nothin' on me! - PrimaNightwind

Sometimes Kai just can't get it up. - PeridotEyes

...and Kai suddenly realized he couldn't get ANYTHING up anymore... - gobagirl

Kai: the dead do go limp... - Griever

Kai gives a whole new meaning to walking with a limp.... - Griever

Brian off camera snickering:  I hear some Viagra can help that  MM:  Gah, which of you crew guys is putting rubber bands in my brace cord again.? Wardrobe!! I need a ciggie break! - mayaxiong

Kai: Don't you laugh. I can throw this pretty hard you know. - DalekTek790 

And this is your Assassin on drugs... - PeridotEyes

Kai sounding slightly stoned: THAT'S never happened before. COOOOL!!- Micromary 

Stan Off screen: Thank goodness that thing is *finally* satisfied!  Xev Off screen:  Quick! Let's get out of here before he recovers!  Stan Off screen: Shouldn't he be running low on protoblood soon?! - PrimaNightwind

Kai looks and realizes exactly what 6000 years does to a man's equipment - Arania

Kai in a stoned voice: Hey I never noticed this thing before!!! - darkcrow23

When they were really bored, Xev and Stan would spike Kai's protoblood with bongwater and watch in amusement as he tried to figure out that 'Invisible Dog on a Leash' toy. - Sarcasmagoria

Kai to himself:  Ohh darn the rumors about this thing breaking down after 6000 years are true. Now how I'm I going to scare up tail - darkcrow23

After viewing Uri Gellar on the television, Kai amazingly, using only mind control, proceeds to bend his brace!!!! Bravo to Kai!!!! - NB1


Go to Next Page

Go to Previous Page

View More Vid Caps

Send email to thefrey