Kai's Komic Kaptions 27


"Awwww, look Stan. Five minutes in the car and Kai is sleeping like a baby." - theFrey

"KAI I see credits all the time" - darkcrow23

"Kai tests the new 2002 model cryopods. Mmm, comfy!" - StormBorn

"The Dead do not ask, 'Are we there yet?' every five minutes." - StormBorn

"And finally Michael McManus realizes he has been reduced to a billboard for Mission Control" - LexxLurker

"Kai: Oh dear God, not again, how the hell did I end up here?" - Griever

"Just another drunk from the Lexx Halloween party." - GotHope

"Oooooh! I shouldn't have drunk all that Sloe Gin. Ohhh....." - Flamegrape

"The Dead do not get travel sick.. honest..." - Griever

"MM in his new job as Hearse Salesman: 'See folks, your loved ones will
be quite comfortable back here with all this nice upholstery!'" - mayaxiong

"Announcing: The new Ford 8 cyclinder Kordoba!! With cushiony leather seats and rear-end suspension so revolutionary you'll be rocked to sleep like the Dead! Tags and Tax extra...Certain restrictions apply.." - NB1

"This is NB1's car leaving Halifax with the ultimate souvenir from Canada in the back seat!!!" - NB1

"And for the rest of the night, Kai regretted not living up to his 'dead do nots' and letting Xev talk him into chugging that bottle of tequila." - Sarcasmagoria

"Kai passes out from the shock of realizing that his forelock has mysteriously shifted to his right side." - dgrequeen



"So when the timer pops up he's done? Done doing what?" - theFrey

"Xev:  Eww he smells" - darkcrow23

"Stan: I don't think antacid is gonna help your heartburn there, buddy!" - Flamegrape

"He looks so peaceful. It's almost as if he's just sleeping." - StormBorn

"Xev: Kai, its NOT Quentin Tarintino. If it was, we'd all be stabbing ourselves!" -LexxLurker

"Xev and Stan test their Kai-Kebab" - PeridotEyes

"Scifi channel presents 'Hamlet' staring Kai as the dramatic prince, Mort as his friend, Xev is the queen, and Stan's award winning performance as York." - GotHope

"Kai: ummm not to complain, but could you please pull out the embalming needle it kinda hurts." - darkcrow23

"Let me get this straight, if I can pull the sword from the assassin I will become Queen of where?" - PeridotEyes

Xev: Kai? are you alive now?  Kai: Yup.  Xev: (hopefully/shocked) Really?!  Kai: No. Ask a stupid question...." - Griever

"Xev wonders if the party game 'Pin the Tail on the Dead Assassin will
ever catch on....'" - mayaxiong

"Xev: Dammit it, Kai!!! We told you not to challenge anyone to a sword fight here on Earth!!!" - NB1

"'But he's so pretty, are you sure he can't be fixed?'" - PeridotEyes

"Stan: Gee honey which corpse do you like best" - darkcrow23



"Well Stan it could be worse. She could be fiddling with the *other* knobs'" - theFrey

"Xev and Stan check Kai's protoblood level using the crude but effective, 'dipstick' method." - theFrey

"MM: Ok, OK! I'll do the spin-off, just please no more probing or stabbing!" - Griever

"Xev: Ack, what's this? Crikey, what *else* does Kai have that I don't know about?" - dgrequeen

"Stan: Are you sure you know what you're doing?   Xev: Of course I do, Stan. I saw it on the Vidscreen-box. Some guy called David Copperfield did this and it always worked fine for him..." - PrimaNightwind

"Xev: Wanna play doctor.  Kai: The dead do not play doctor Xev" - darkcrow23

"Xev:  I kill you in the name of His Divine Shadow.   Kai: Umm Xev,  that's my line." - dacrkcrow23

"I'm not really an Assassin Maintenance Technician, I just play one on TV." - StormBorn

"Stan stays far away from anything remotely resembling the assassin's rods." - PeridotEyes

"Kai growls: Quit fiddling with my rods" - darkcrow23

"Xev is finally starting to get some response from Kai. He started with ten inch rods now ssome are upto two foot." - GotHope

"Xev: Turkey's done!" - Flamegrape

"Kai:  Oh, I had the most terrible dream. I was killed by His Divine Shadow, and then I was on this ship with a crazy love slave and a dork in red...AAAAAH!" - DalekTek790

"Xev: ""Okay let me get this straight, the short rod is for oil and the
really long one is his transmission stick?" - mayaxiong

"Zev to Stan: Do you want light meat or dark?" - PeridotEyes

"Stan:  I swear to God, Xev, I think you've lost it!! I don't EVER remember Kai saying he wanted his nipple pierced!!" - NB1

"Xev prepares to test Kai's pH with her handy dandy micro-pipette." - scifiend

"Xenia Seeberg and Brian Dowey finally extract revenge for all the cracks made by Michael concerning the series" - darkcrow23



"Oh Xev...... Really. That cop has the worse @ss, how could you?" - theFrey

"Hey! This stall is out of toilet paper! Can anybody help me out here? The dead *do* poo, you know!" - dgrequeen

"Kai looks down at the mess from Mort's wild weekend party, p*ssed that he wasn't invited." - PrimaNightwind

"Kai, picking up a few pointers" - StormBorn

"Oh, Kai! 'Voguing' went out *years* ago!" - StormBorn

"You did what to my cryopod?" - darkcrow23

"Kai: Four thousand years ago called and they want their hairstyle back?" - darkcrow23

"Kai:  You are sooooo dead ma- whoops wrong line sorry" - darkcrow23

"Kai *will* find out about that tongue-on-the-flagpole thing once and for all" - Logan55

"I heard that!" - Flamegrape

"Kai: Hey! Scifi-Logo and I are trying to have a BIT of privacy, okay?!" - scifiend

"Kai: Okay, who punched a hole in my freezing unit with that stupid bow 
and arrow set Prince got you? Can't you two play someplace else?" - mayaxiong

"I'm never *EVER* drinking Southern Comfort again." - PeridotEyes

"I did WHAT last night? Geez, must be time to lay off the booze.'" - PeridotEyes

"Could you keep it down in here? You're making enough noise to wake the dead!" - Wordsmith

"Who spiked my beer last night?" - PeridotEyes

"Heeeeeeere's Johnny!!" - Sarcasmagoria

"Kai:  Stanley, Xev, it would appear that a small hole has eroded through this pipe. We must get on a moth and hurry to Earth as we must locate a valuable material to fix it. 790 said the material is called: 'Duct Tape'..." - NB1

"Kai: No, Stanley, that was not me, The Dead Do Not Hiss" - NB1

"Stanley, Is the the leak you were going to take????" - NB1



After sleeping flat on his back for six thousand years, Kai experiments with a different sleeping position." - theFrey

"Kai does his impression of a Slinky, with little success." - Sorsha

"Watch out for that first step, it's a doozie." - PeridotEyes

"Leaving your Assassin-toy on the stairs: and accident in the making!" - PrimaNightwind

"99 bottles of beer on the wall... 99 bottles of--- ACK! OOF!" - dgrequeen

"Hey, that's MY favorite sleeping position." - PeridotEyes

"Kai judges the success of the party by how far he falls down the stairs. This was a good party." - PeridotEyes

"Headfirst down the stairs is Kai's preferred method of descent." - PeridotEyes

"Now that's good Pattern!" - LexxLurker

"Some people just never learn:  If you leave your toys lying about, someone else will take them.  (So outta my way!  He's MINE!!!) - Wordsmith

"Hey frey how'd you get the pic I took after I got my first hangover?" - darkcrow23

"Kai in a pained voice: God....damn...Yoga..." - Griever

"Little Boy: See mommy the boogy man does live in the basement." - GotHope

"That's all I need right now...." - Flamegrape

"Dead assassins *really* know how to party!" - PeridotEyes

"How to rate your party? Dead bodies thick on the ground at the end = good party. 
Everyone still alive at the end = bad party." - PeridotEyes

"Kai: Oh God, I'm so glad the guys back at the morgue cant see this...they'd be ripping the p*ss for centuries..." - Griever

"Kai:""I guess that Stairmaster substitution idea wasn't so good after
all..." - mayaxiong

"McManus: OK, I've decided to rethink my policy on stunt doubles..." - PeridotEyes

"Kai realizes his dependence on Protoblood is now a full-blown addiction and has quietly started a twelve-step program...." - NB1

"After the final episode of Lexx was filmed and after one too many tantrums from McManus, he was bodily thrown out of the Electropolis Studios!!" - NB1

"It must be Monday again." - PeridotEyes

"McManus loved this episode coz his hangover didn't matter." - PeridotEyes

"15 down, 11 to go." - PeridotEyes

"The role of Kai was a challenge for the Actor." - PeridotEyes

"Ooops, I did it again." - PeridotEyes

"'Is YOUR house messy? Let us clean it up. Call for estimate.' Devine Order Housekeeping Service" - PeridotEyes

"I really hate Mondays" - PeridotEyes

"Oops, I did it again." - PeridotEyes

"MAKEUP!" - PeridotEyes

"'Be the first on your block to have a dead assassin in your basement!' I wish." - PeridotEyes


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