Kai's Komic Kaptions 34

"Kai becomes annoyed at Tinkerbell's repeated attempts to whoo SciFi Logo away from him" - theFrey

"Get out of here, Tinkerbell. This is MY show!" - PrimaNightwind

"Kai: Okay Tinkerbell what do you think should we finally tell them I am Peter Pan?" - LexxLurker

"Not now, Tinkerbell!" - Flamegrape

"Kai gets in touch with his inner Tinkerbell." - Insipida

"Kai: You too, Tinkerbelle? Man, *all* the chicks want me." - DalekTek790

"MM thinking: Is that a bottle of Becks? hmmm could just do with some. No-one will notice if I just take it will they?...no...right grab it on 3...1...2..." - Griever

"Kai: You're not here to take us to never-never land are you?" - darkcrow23

"Go away, Tinkerbell.  This is MY show!  I don't *want* to be wished back to life!" - PrimaNightwind

"Uh-oh...did those things hatch out of my bun?" - StormBorn

"In a last desperate attempt to kill him, the logo decides to launch a heat seaking missile at MM..." - Griever

"Kai: What? They said THAT??? Hey, wait a minute! Why should I believe some frickin' fairy?!?" - dgrequeen

"Tick tock, tick tock.. 'Your time is up, Mr. Kai, how many Divine Assassins does it take to screw in a light bulb?'   Kai:  ..Um...None, the dead do not screw...." - mayaxiong

"Kai finds he's come down with a BAD case of psassinoriasus." - Logan55

"Kai thinking: I thought people were supposed to see shimmering lights *before* they died?" - Nika

"The dead do not appreciate glitter hairspray." - ottokell

"MM: Alright! The jigs up!! Who passed out all those laser pointers to the crewmembers??????" - NB1

"Oily, greasy bun? Embarrassing white flakes? It's time for Head and Shoulders." - jack

"DUDE! Either that sweet tab of Acid just kicked in, or we just found out what happened to Carol Anne! Is Anybody else seeing this?" - FractleRift



"Ummm, Hi Mr. Velmaski, is ..um Tina ready yet?" - 

"You want me to *what*?!? Are you insane? Hahahaha!" - PrimaNightwind

"LiveKai: Stop me if you've heard this one before...a Priest, a Rabbi and a Minister were playing golf... (Kai's new live career as a stand up comic falls flat..)" - mayaxiong

"Kai: ...so then I told her...That's just a monkey!!! Thanks folks Ill be here all week. *Kai waves*" - LexxLurker

"...and then I laughed so hard I spilled my bongwater! But that's how I got this crazy shirt, dudes!" - Flamegrape

"Okay, now that I'm alive I've *got* to get a better haircut. Have I really been walking around assassinating people for all these centuries with this bird's nest on my head and this hair hanging in front of my eye?!? And these clothes! The 'rainbow' look went out of style 6,340 years ago!" - DalekTek790

"MM: Lexx hasn't ended?! haha good one guys...guys?...you're not joking? noooooooo!!!!!!!" - Griever

"MM: Two more to go! Two more to go!   Brian and Xenia together offscreen: We know, we know" - darkcrow

"You're going to make me alive again? Come on, tell me another one, Prince!" - PrimaNightwind

"Hehehe. No WAY, dudes! I didn't dress in the dark... its Renaissance Day, remember?!" - scifiend

"Kai remembers that back on Brunnis 2 he was a circus clown." - StormBorn

"Wait, that's not the best part! Paul wants me to star in his next project! Thank God, no more rainbow suit! What? It's a RENAISSANCE PROJECT?!?!?!" - dgrequeen

"Kai finds himself practicing his Jamaican accent, now since he has the shirt for it. And his favorite song? 'Murder She Wrote', of course!" - Nika

"Kai:  'So then the rabbi says 'I wasn't even WEARING any pants!' Kai's career as a stand up comic paled in comparison to his stint as an assassin." - Sarcasmagoria

"Now Appearing on Broadway: 'Kai and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamsuit'" - NB1 

"Dude! I am *so* gonna dig following the Grateful Dead this summer..." - ottokell

"MM still laughs at himself in the mirror every time he sees himself in that outfit" - Xeviver

"Kai speaking in his best, smarmy 'Talk Show Host' voice: Heeey, that's right! Stay tuned to 'Kai's Love Connection', and after the break, Latishia's going to tell us how her date went! So, stick around! We'll be back in 2 and 2!" - FractleRift



"Kai:  I do not know if I wish to chance this...unless my performance is truly that of perfection she will instinctively exploit my weakness then methodically proceed to my ultimate humiliation...she will *FAKE IT*!" - Trini_T, Congratulations Trini on winning the 8th Kai Kaption Contest!

"After the sixth time that night, Kai realizes that being cooped up on the Lexx with a Love Slave who has the Stamina of a cluster lizard *could* be a problem ." - theFrey

"Kai: Don't look now but Stan's watching." - Xev:  So long as he doesn't want to join in!" - PrimaNightwind

"Kai:  I know that logo is here somewhere" - Xeviver

"MM to Paul: Can't we take her shirt off too... it's only fair" - Xeviver

"Xev: No Kai, look me in the eyes and tell be you love me!" - Xeviver

"Xenia: You think the fans are gonna be pissed when they find out this was all fake and next week you're just as dead?" - LexxLurker

"So she really *does* wear underwear!" - Flamegrape

"What the ...? OK. Who let the droolers in! Security!!" - Insipida

"Kai thinking: Great, this is just great. I wake up in bed with a Cluster lizard and no memory of the last 72 hours. *Definitely* time to lay off the kaboo flowers." - DalekTek790

"Kai: What do you mean I forgot 'protection' Xev, I've been dead for 6000 years, what do I care?" - mayaxiong

"Kai: Oh shit...it's those Earth droolers...again." - Griever

"Kai: Um Xev did you use protection.   Xev:  No! I though you did.   Kai: Uh no" - darkcrow23

"Wanted in two universes - damn paparazzi are everywhere!" - PrimaNightwind

"If that cameraman doesn't cut it out I'm gonna thwack him, I swear it!" - PrimaNightwind

"Xev: Oooh, Kai! You kiss so Divinely!   Kai: ACK! Insect Essence!" - PrimaNightwind

"Xev whispers in Kai's ear: I know I've been waiting for this for some time, but the truth is... Bunny is *way* better in the sack." - scifiend

"Kai, I was raised in a box. I *swear* my parents are not going to catch us!" - StormBorn

"After 6,000 years, Kai realizes he's impotent." - StormBorn

"Kai: Xev, I..I'm a virgin. I don't know what to do, exactly.   Xev: Aw, geeez! Just my luck!" - StormBorn

"I hate this hat. I really hate this hat." - StormBorn

"Kai: uh huh Stan did what? ewww no way" - darkcrow23

"Xev, I think I hear someone crying under the bed  'Sob, sob, oh, my beautiful deadman, how could you!! Sob..'" - canuk

"Kai: You have *what*?!? Oh man, I *knew* I shouldn't have let you run around loose down there on Earth!" - dgrequeen

"Hey, is that the porn producer from earlier. What's he doing with that camera?" - GotHope

"6,000 years of being dead can really do something to a guy's.. um... weapon... " - Nika

"Kai realizes with dawning horror that the dead are susceptible to premature ejaculation just like everyone else." - Sp0rk

"MM: Uh, oh, I was afraid this would happen....FLUFFER!! IS THERE A FLUFFER ON THE SET??? Oh, not you Downey, a real fluffer!!!" - NB1

"To Kai's dismay, Prince also resurrected a group of his college buddies from Brunnis 2: 'Hey, get the heck out of here! Damn fraternity pranks!'" - Sarcasmagoria

"Kai thinks silently: Yuck! Just because she's half cluster lizard is no excuse not to brush her teeth!" - Jade

"MM thinks: After all this time I get to handle her, and I have to be reluctant? 'Hey, Paul, no fair! Can't we go a little farther?'" - Wild Woman

"It was then that the five burrito luncheon came back to haunt him." - ottokell

"Listen Xev, I'd love to sleep with you, ..but those tourists have got to go!" - FractleRift

"Kai: I contain the knowledge of thousands of people and yet I can't remember how to *do it*..." - Griever

"Kai:You want me to do WHAT with you?   Xev:He's busy with *me* right now. You can have him next!  Kai:What?!?" - Shauna Goff

"I can't do this if you lot are giggling. Besides, it's cold in here, alright?" - Gizmo LittleWing



"Don't try and stop me Xenia! I told you guys I would slit my throat before I do a fifth season!" - theFrey

"Xev:  Kai? Kai! Wake up!  * Growls*  How like a man to fall asleep after!" - PrimaNightwind

"Xev: Um...Kai, I forgot to tell you, that since you've come alive...  well....I'm not protected...so well...I'm um....you know...  Kai:  ...EEEEEEEKKKKK" - mayaxiong

"Pulling Kai-alive costume out of storage and having it cleaned: $25.00, CGI of Lyekka message and floating berries: $16000.00, Kai and Xev snuggling: Priceless" - LexxLurker

Xev: It's all right, Kai. It happens to lots of men sometimes." - Flamegrape

"Ow, Xev! The control rods go in the matching slots. MATCHING SLOTS!" - DalekTek790

"Xenia: He fell asleep again" - darkcrow23

"Kai: I die a happy man this time Xev.   Xev: Nooo! Don't be dead again, Kai! I'll be more careful next time, I swear it!" - PrimaNightwind

"Kai: Ugh! Something's chafing!" - StormBorn

"Xev: Oh, come on, Kai! All right, all right, I'll let *you* be on top next time!" - dgrequeen

"Kai: Oh, oh yeah, that's it. Yeah, ah...     Xev:  Feel better Kai.   Kai: Yeah, I hate having an itch I just can't scratch." - darkcrow23

"Xev: Kai, what do you mean, you're saving *it* for Mr. Right?!" - Trini_T

"Kai: When I wear this outfit Xev, it helps me get in touch with my ""feminine"" side. Xev: I understand that Kai, but it's your masculine side, I want to get in touch with!!!" - NB1

"Xev: Go to sleep, go to sleep, go to sleep Cranky Dead Guy!" - ottokell

"The sci-fi logo finaly got Kai" - Xeviver



"Kai discovers that after 6000 years the first one has *gotta* hurt! -  theFrey

"Ohhhh sh*t, who let the fans in!" - theBrother

"D*mn, Xev! It burns! How many diseases did you pick up?!" - PrimaNightwind

"Kai: No Xev honestly I'm not doing that!" - LexxLurker

"...and now it's stuck in my zipper! Can you help me out, Xev?" - Flamegrape

"Kai Singing: All by myseee-elf, don't wanna do it... I mean... be all by myseeee-elf..." - Nika

"After 6,000 of never *toileting*, Kai remembers what constipation is..." - Griever

"Kai's mom always told him if you make funny faces long enough they'd stay like that." - darkcrow23

"I'm far away from my home and I miss my mommy!" - PrimaNightwind

"Yours would be sensitive, too, if you'd had a codpiece over it for 6000 years!" - StormBorn

"What fresh hell is *this*?!" - StormBorn

"One minute you're sleeping peacefully in your cryopod, the next you're hiding from an obsessed love slave." - StormBorn

"And *another* thing, Prince! I'm GLAD you're stuck in limbo! You promised me my soul, you big cheater!" - dgrequeen

"He looks like an Elvis impersonator that just sat on his glasses." -GotHope

"MM whining: Wardrobe!! My Rainbow suit pants are too tight!! And someone forgot my Evian water again, honestly, how am I supposed to concentrate with all these distractions..??!!    Brian off camera: We could arrange it so you'd be dead again, you know.." - mayaxiong

"Kai: I'll get you my pretty and your little robot head too. (with all due respect to the Wizard of Oz)" - darkcrow23

"Michael: I told you guys...the pants(ugh) ....still(groan)...FIT!!!(AAAAh!!)" - canuk

"OW!! Xev, I found your nail file..." - ottokell

"Stan!! Get off the bowl, I can't hold it anymore!!!" - Thodin

"Oh man, I shoulda used preparation H!!!!" - Linna


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