Kai's Komic Kaptions 35


Who knew it would be this hard to find an agent? I'm an established star d*mn it! - theFrey

MM singing on the last shot:  No more buns, no more hooks, no more cast members dirty looks. - darkcrow23

MM thinks to himself: One episode left. Just one more f*#@!%$ episode left, then back to what I really want to do. I want to *SING*! - LexxLurker

I dare you to knock this Sci-Fi logo off my shoulder. I dare you! - Wordsmith

Michael is miffed to find out that his costume will have a place of honor, on the floor, of the foyer, in a bed & breakfast, just outside of Halifax. - canuk

MM: Hmmph, the last episode and no one has bothered to even thank me for my brilliance this season.....(sniff)... - mayaxiong

McManus secretly exalts in the knowledge he's only days from a haircut. - PeridotEyes

I can't *wait* til this gig is over ... oops, did I say that out loud? - Wild Woman

Aw, crap. Here comes that life insurance salesman again. - sp0rk

Twelve movie offers, all to play a brooding ex-assassin.... I think I've been typecast. - Jade

Hmph! I coulda been a lawyer! Or a plumber! But noooooo..... I wanted to be an ACK-TOR! - dgrequeen

Disney Land my ass...I'm going to Cabo..." - ottokell

No, I didn't use Head And Shoulders, why do you ask? - ottokell

I am so glad this is the last time I have to wait for Stan to come out of that toilet..will you hurry up..I'm not going to hold the moth for you forever! - Ketana

Xev: I'll never let go Kai! I'll never let go...   Kai: Do I look even remotely similar to Leonardo DiCapro to you?!? - kat_the_ripper

I should have used Preperation H! - TwilightRhapsody

What a fine time to get pulled over! Stupid expired tags! - TwilightRhapsody

Michael McManus thinks to himself: That's right take the money. Don't bother thinking what this will do to your carreer. STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! - M2KOOL

Kai: *humph* Stay out here Kai to protect us. Be here with us Kai. Dont let us die Kai. *humph*... I should kill em'...kill em' all - Neko



MMM twack when the words 'Spin-off' and 'Guest Star' are used in the same sentence. - theFrey

Monk offscreen: Um did you know there's a mountain moving in your direction.   Kai:  Oh I wouldn't worry about that it's just more droolers on this planet looking for a date. - darkcrow23

'All your base are belong to us'? What the...? - DalekTek790

Kai wonders if a bad batch of fugu will do the job. - connyveidt

Crocodile Hunter voice over : Look,there's a grumpy Kai!! Are you feeling a bit grumpy today, Kai? - canuk

MM: Is that Patrick Swayze trying on my rainbow costume?? It sure looks
like him... what's he doing with that? Guest star??? What!!??? - mayaxiong

Kai began to doubt the veracity of the Zen master when he stated that the meaning of life was 'buy low, sell high.' - Sarcasmagoria

Why are all these people staring at me? Is my wig on backwards?! - Jade

Oh my God! I got my legs crossed in lotus position and now I can't get out of it! Geez, I hope nobody notices. Ack! This is really starting to hurt. - dgrequeen

Kai: Poop-shute sewn up??? Boy, there are worse things than being dead!! OMG, I hope they don't sew anything up on Xev!!! If I become alive I have plans for her! - NB1

I should have used Preparation H... - ottokell

MM in a commercial: The new scent from Calvin Klein...'Dead Obsession.' - Nika

Got Protoblood?" - Nika

Hey, don't look at me, *YOUR* the one that smelled it! - FractleRift

Kai is supposed to be meditating, but he'd rather be perfecting his Clint Eastwood imitation. - StormBorn

Pepperoni or sausage? Mushroom or black olive? Hand-tossed or extra crispy? - StormBorn

Kai thinks: Damn, the dead *do* do sunglasses. - Gizmo LittleWing

Are you dissin' the bun? - TwilightRhapsody

Off Screen: Aaaand ACTION!   McManus: In all the excitement I kind of lost count myself. Was it 5 shots? Or was it 6? The question you need to ask yourself is, 'Do I feel lucky?' Well, do you, ...Punk?  Off Screen: And Cut! Print it! That was Great! McManus: I can understand doing a screen test for the 'Dirty Harry' remake, but why did you insist I wear the bun? - M2KOOL



Paul Donovan in an exasperated tone: Oh for Christ's sake! Did some one mention guest appearances to Michael again?  Shouts: Michael come back! we've got one more episode to do! - theFrey

Here kitty, kitty, kittttty - theBrother

Be verdy, vedy quiet we're hunting wabbits - theBrother

MM: I triped over a fan again - darkcrow23

Kai heads over to The Frey's place to talk about gratuitous butt shots - LexxLurker

Kai in his new position as hiking guide for the Transylvanian mountains... - mayaxiong

MM leaps into action, fleeing from the camera is not acting. - PeridotEyes

MM Thwack's next series on on the Oxygen Channel: 'The View' - PeridotEyes

Why do I *always* have to be 'it'? - Logan55

The odds-on favorite to be the winner on 'Survivor: Earth' - StormBorn

Inspired by the drum circle, Kai really starts to take this whole Primal Man Seminar seriously - StormBorn

Oh, goody! More vegetation! - StormBorn

I'd d*mn well better get paid extra for this butt shot! Gratuitous butt shots were *not* in my contract! - Jade

*puff, puff puff* I can do this! Criminy, I'm still young! I can make this hill! *puff puff puff* Maybe I shouldn't have had that last ciggy." - dgrequeen

MM: Oh, yes, and for anyone who had the audacity to *critique* me for anything this past season, Kiss This!!!!! - NB1

Michael to self: You would think that they would at least have a port-a-potty on location ....I'm a star, dammit!!!! - canuk

Damned mutt! Come back here with my brace! - ottokell

Kai is seen here running the marathon, and in the process, kills all of the other runners! - Nika

I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay! - Jack

Announcer's whispering voice: We must be very quiet....Ah, he's spotted us! And the elusive actor turns and runs. I guess there'll be no autographs today, ladies. - Insipida

Ack! Spider! Make it go away! WAAAAAH! - TwilightRhapsody

Police: HEY YOU! STOP YOU FREAK! This is a Public Park! Get back here!- M2KOOL

Narrator: ..And on the last day of shooting, this was the last Lex Giggerhoff ever saw of Michael McManus. Rumors ran rampant of Hollywood parties and sordid affairs, but what happened next when we return to 'Behind The Scenes: The Story of Lexx'. - M2KOOL



Xenia: All I know is that Paul said it was a good deal. - theFrey

Xev: ah c'mon logo it won't be that bad.    Kai: besides there's other shows besides this one you can bother.   Xev: Kai be nice    Kai: sorry. - darkcrow23

Xenia: In the five or six years that I've been on this damn show, not once have I actually seen that logo look directly back at me!   Michael: Don't say anything else, and maybe it'll go away! - Nika

Kai: You're right Xev. Stanley is how shall we say...poorly equipped. - LexxLurker

Take a good look at it. That's one thing I'm *not* gonna miss! - connyveidt

Poor Michael, In all the times he and Xenia have played Hearts at lunch, he hasn't won a single game. - canuk

Xev: See Kai, I *told* you that they'd all watch the last show!!! - mayaxiong

OK, I'll do it, Kai, but I'd prefer if a part of you jumped down *my* throat. - Wild Woman

Kai: Xev, the logo appears to be ill.   Xev: Maybe it needs to use the litter-box, Kai! - StormBorn

I'm sorry, Kai, but Stan was right. His *is* bigger. - Jade

Kai: And these are the headlights... - dgrequeen

Xenia: And Michael, since this is the next to last episode I feel I have to say what's in my heart, to let you know that I have loved you from the first time I saw you and..... Michael: Uh?, What?, Oh, sorry, Xenia, I wasn't listening, I never noticed that mirror there...... - NB1

Xev:  Kai shouldn't we try to save the planet kai? Kai?   Kai: Wow Leyyka *is* smooth around the bend. Huh? Oh yeah we must save the earth otherwise it'll be destroyed. - darkcrow23

Xev: You knock his feet out from under him, then I'll swipe his hat. That'll fix him. - ottokell

Kai: It doesn't appear to be harmful.  Xev: I think you should use your brace just incase. - TwilightRhapsody

I Knew it! That little Bitch Bunny's trying to get more screen time! - M2KOOL



KK10: Hi Mom - theFrey 

And making their first appearance in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade,  Michael McManus and the Lexx, the most powerful parade float in the two universes.  - theFrey

Bye Lexx...... (muttered whisper through gritted teeth) good riddance. - theBrother

Kai:  Five, five fingers ah ah ah (With all respect to sesame street) - darkcrow23

Kai tries in vain to do the Vulcan hand sign - darkcrow23

MM: Arrrgg... droolers. Smile and wave, smile and wave. - scifiend

Kai remembers it has been 6000 years since he last applied deodorant - LexxLurker

Kai is about to be fooled by the infamous 'Give me Five' trick - LexxLurker

Hmm, I wonder if that 'Happy Trails' song will work on Lyekka.  Slim Whitman gave those Martians one hell of a headache. - connyveidt

You can count me in for the cookie sale, but I'm not sure if divine assassins make good door to door salesmen.

Unemployment Counselor.. 'Number 98?? You're next!'  Kai raises his hand... - mayaxiong

'Hello to all my fans'...yeah, right. - Wild Woman

Will this be the last Kai smile? -PeridotEyes

He looks so happy knowing the end is nigh. - PeridotEyes

MM: 'Whaddya mean we're not finished yet? I just saved Tokyo, now what?' He grumbles his way away. - PeridotEyes

No, I don't know what 'talk to the hand' means! - StormBorn

I'm telling you, fellows, there are no cards up my sleeve! - StormBorn

MM kissing his steady paycheck good-bye: I know I'm doing the right thing-I just have to keep telling myself that. - Trini_T

Leader of group: Go on Kai introduce yourself to the group...  Kai: erm..hello..my names er Kai and erm...I'm an alcoholic.. - Griever

So long, farewell, Auf Wiedersehen, goodbye...  I'm glad to go, I cannot tell a lie. I flit, I float, I fleetly flee, I fly. Goodbye. - Wordsmith

Kai: Present! - dgrequeen

Kai is being sworn-in on the Brunnen's Court Show.....He is sueing Xev Bell-ringer for sexual harrasement.... - NB1

Hey! Who parked that frikkin' moth in the red zone? - ottokell

Damn...rigour mortis is a bitch.... - Taleya

Teacher... ummm... I can't hold it any longer... can I go...PLEASE? - Nika

Kai: On my honor, I will try to serve God and my country, to help people at all times, and to live by the girl scout law. - Jack

In a moment of uncharacteristic laxness, Kai's true secret identity is revealed 'Well, Hi-Diddley Ho, Neighbor!' - FractleRift

TAXI !!!! Yoohoo - lizard

Kai: How much longer do I have to stay like this, Xev?   Xev:  Well if you'd held still to begin with, I'd have already have the picture done! - Shauna Goff

Kai: Ok, never ever put booze in my pro-to blood again or you're mince meat xev.     Xev: I thought, well never mind I don't want another dead don't function again!!! - lolo

Hi, yes, over here... I need my hair inflating again - idiotboy

Barber: OK whos next? - TwilightRhapsody

Teacher? May I be excused? I have to make water! - M2KOOL

Oh yes, we are much more advanced these days! Our hair used to be out to here! - M2KOOL

Ok.i lift my hand and then...slap this sign silly!!!! - Sylphia


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