Kai's Komic Kaptions 41


With Lexx you get all the cable channels and movies on demand. The crew may never leave the bridge again. - theFrey

The Crew of LEXX Discovers Lord of the Dance and gets hypnotized by the rhythmic movement of the unusually fast feet. - Midori

Kai: I do not understand. What is 'American Idol'?- Sassy Assassin

Wasn't this movie due back Monday?- P_T_Bando 

The Cast Sit back and admire the Groupies they've hung up on the walls - Midori 

Xev: I like this Rocky Horror Picture Show!    Stan: That Frank makes me want to vomit.   Kai: You think I'll look good in fishnet stockings? - emma_peel 

Xev: How did they get into that position???  I think. . . .I'd like to try that. Wouldn't you Kai?   Kai: The dead do not try positions.   Stan: That's disgusting! - Xev_clusterlizard_loveslave

Xev: C'mon, guys, change the channel....I can't TAKE another episode of V.I.P.! - Sassy Assassin

They never showed 'Ding! Dong! School' on the Cluster!!! Ohhh look! There is the sock puppet...again!!- Stanelle

Xev: Crap! The Steelers just lost another one!   Kai: You're surprised by that?   Stan: Hey guys, look! Cordell Stewart looks like he's gonna cry! - Sarcasmagoria 

Stanley: Look, watch the film, will ya??? All I know is two trailer park girls went round the outside, Shady's back and I'm supposed to tell a friend, so I'm telling you guys, alright?????- NB1

Voice of the Lexx: I've called you here for this meeting to, Uh, Xev, would a lady sit like that?????   Stan: She ain't no lady, Lexx.    Xev: I am to a lady!! Aren't I Kai?   Kai: Can we get on with the meeting?- NB1

Stanley: I never knew you could contort like that.   Zev: Looks like FUN!    Kai: The dead do not get off on . . . . - Theta




Kai doesn't quite under stand Stanley's reaction to his perfectly reasonable request for him to help adjust Kai's rods. - theFrey

Stan: I don't know Xev.. Kai has been acting a little strange lately. He just asked me to play Hide or get killed. and I think he's serious this time.. - Midori 

Stan: You know Xev, I have been thinking about Kai, about how he smells. You think you could..  Xev: Am not telling him... - HDS

Xev, I thought I asked you to put some Prozac in the protoblood! He's pouting at me again! - Sassy Assassin

Stan: Its your turn to let him back in Xev!! Every Time I let him out he wants to come back in and then he want to go back out again. I'm getting a little tired of it! I think we should have gotten a pet Rock instead - Midori 

Stan: Now,...Kai,.....I understand that Xev told you that you would be *her one and only dead guy*...but first Dracula came along ..and then ...the Mummy,...and now ...even you have to admit that that Frankenstein fellow has more to offer her than just a couple of power rods!!! - Stanelle

Stan: Stop pouting and whining Kai!! Sqish has been gone for 6,000 years and crying won't bring him back!! Kai: Sniff! But...he ....was...my.....baby!!! I want my little Squishy!! - Stanelle

Stan: Oh, Kai, I feel so sick, I'm so sex-deprived I just found myself frenching with the toilet!!!- NB1

Stan and Kai get emotional when they hear Kelly's 'A moment like this.'- ZevofB3k

Stop rushing me Kai , I thought the dead did not use the bathroom.- brett



Kai thinks: Smart @ss, 'looks can't kill' can they? I wonder how he feels about braces? TWACK!  - theFrey

Aquanet. Don't leave home with out it. - thefrey

Now don't tell anyone but I'm not really dead nor an assassin.. I'm secretly filming this for a new fox TV series called  PRANK ASSASSIN!! IT WILL KILL YA!! -  Midori 

Kai: Did you just mock the hair?! Did you?! - Griever

Finally. A man totally unafraid of Canadian weather. (after all, he spends a lot of time in the fridge)- Mysteriosa

MM finds out Brian told the writer that Michael and him wanted fourteen more episodes to do.- ZevofB3k

 ....and then I'm gonna hold my breath until I turn blue and DIE! Wait a minute...never mind....- Sassy Assassin

 Why yes, I am drop dead gorgeous.. .-Vexxev




A very wary MMM twack freezes in his tracks. Could that slithering sound be the dreaded 'Movie of the Week' contract?  - theFrey

Here we find an Assassin in his natural environment.. shhhh,  be very quiet. I think he sees us. - Midori

Are you looking at...me? I said are you looking at me? - HDS 

MM: Stop following me.... - Griever  

Kai: Go ahead Punk, make my day... - Griever 

The dead do not hurl...ulp...unless they walk in on Stanley in the shower..... - Sassy Assassin 

Getting to Earth,  COST: 4000 years.    Heven, Hell, and a Universe. Infestation of evil suppository carrots. COST: Earth.    The Look in Kai's face when he realizes the dead do not turn their head to the left and cough: Priceless - Ian Finlay

Yes, it's true that your hair continues to grow after you die....now p*ss off! - Sassy Assassin 

Do you remember what I said I would do to you if you pulled on my braid one more time...  and if you called me a sissy bun-headed assassin? - Stanelle Yodere 

Michael, there are two Lexx fans outside and I told them you'd be glad to come out and say hello and sign a couple of autographs....O.K.??? Michael? Uh, Mike? Uh, um, well, I'll just tell them you left already....!! - NB1

Kai still believed that their new guest might be a hairdresser...IN DISGUISE... - Mysteriosa 

Assassin as Punk: Come on, I dare ya... knock this logo off my shoulder. -  Insipida

Kai thinks:  Would I look good with a perm?   Xev:  Dont ask me look at my hair!!! - ZevofB3k

What's the matter? Don't you like my Harrison Ford imitation? Wait; I'll do Jack Nicholson next.
 - Awesome Aud

While I agree that my hairstyle is unfortunate there's no need to be so mean about it. [pout] -Vextraxev



Xev sighs as Kai hooks the 4:17 Delta flight out of DC. Traveling this way is so hard on the hair do, and quite frankly, a little chilly in the nether regions. - thefrey

Kai: To infinity and beyond!!! - Griever  

MM stars as the hero in the new film, Super(dead)Man - Griever

I'm not sure what's more deadly...your wrist brace, or the fact that you haven't changed your clothes in over 6,000 years!- Sassy Assassin 

Xev: Kai, were you aiming at Lexx's butt hole?
Kai: No Xev, the dead do not aim, but I am a dead shot! - lana evitneter


Kai: And that's Big Ben and over there you have the Tower of London. Xev: Whoo, lets go see! You could take your head off and scare the prats! - HDS 

They really do make a cute couple. (seriously) It's kind of creepy. - emma_peel 

Up,...up,...and away!!!!!- Stanelle

Kai: And see those beautiful mountains? That's another place we're never going to go to..... And see that beach over there, nope, not there either and see that house with the picket fence, nope, no, nada!!! Oh, Xev! All the lovely places, we'll never be happy in!!!! All the shagging we'll never do!!!    Xev: Oh, Kai, you sweet talker!!- NoBull

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