Kai's Komic Kaptions 45


'No! Stop Xev, Stop!' Kai cries as Xev discovers the secret vulnerability of divine assassins, tickly knees! - theFrey

 Kai: HA! Stan, you slay me dude! But if you think that joke's funny, get a load of this one! A cleric, a love slave, and His Divine Shadow walk into a bar...- streudel 

A dead man has no favorite colors for a manicure. I'll just have them trimmed and filed thank you. - Ketana

Hahahahahaha...man I am drunk.- Rev. Max 

........and ever since then, Brian never shoots a scene without wearing a cup.......- GreenLight 

Heheh....I taste, Kahlua, Bailey's and Hershey's chocolate...Man, this is the best tasting protoblood, ever......- GreenLight 

Two Beer Kai- HDS 

MM: Boy never eat burritos on a date! hehhe- Zevofb3k

Kai: I can't believe it, I'm in Las Vegas, Sin City, Yaahooooo!   off camera, Stan: Yes, I know; so are we.- Jhevz 


Kai just found out why the Chicken crossed the road!!- NB1 

Stan: Don't get your hopes up Xev...He's not coming alive..I just brought him back from the Dentist for a root canal and they gave him laughing gas!! - NB1 

 this is what happens when a divine assassins protoblood goes past it's expiration date and begins to ferment.- TwilightRhapsody

No, really, Xev, pull my finger...- sassyassassin 

And then, then he-he, then, then the guy says to him: 'You idiot! That's not my cat! That's a wig!' - Wordsmith 

We knew the Christmas party was taking a real turn when Kai chugged a quart of Proto Nogg and started hitting on the lamp.- ottokell

Kai: You guy s *are* crazy man. . .you all are'll woohooooo sh**!- Xev_Clusterlizard_loveslave

Kai: Quit,Stan. I'm ticklish in the codpiece.- Kerri Groves

Kai:Would you just hurry up and take the picture already, Xev?!  My face is gonna break if it stays this way much longer - 'The Dead do not smile', remember? - Purple Unicorn

Another season?  They want to cast me for another season?  You are joking, right? - Honeybunny 


Get out! I've been nominated into the poker face hall of fame?!? Cool beans! - theFrey

I've been calling the bingo numbers for this tour group not you Stan... so pay attention...O 74...I said O 74..stop interrupting me Stan! - Ketana

And you want ME to appear at MegaCon?....I'd sooner sew this wig to my scalp! - GreenLight

MM: You mean I was only second to the last to be picked for baseball! - zevofb3k

MM: Yea, and I'M the STAR of the show and always will be and don't you forget it!!!- NB1

I get a whole case of the shampoo and conditioner just for doing a commercial? What a cool deal!- TwilightRhapsody

'...and he says, our phone rates are lower, so I tell him, I can't switch long distance companies! And he says, why not? Then I say, because I don't HAVE a phone! Ha ha ha, I just kill myself!'- ottokell

Kai: I feeeeeel . . . .pretty! Oh so pretty! I feel pretty, and witty, and briiiigggght!- Xev_Clusterlizard_loveslave 

Between takes on the Lexx set MM likes to read MAD magazine, and practices his best Alferd E Newman impression by pointing to himself and saying.. Who me? He wonders why no one else is as amused by this as he is? - Dee




Um, Stan, you wanta come back up here to the party? - theFrey

Bunny: Oooo! Now's my chance! *goose*- dgrequeen

MM:  It's over! Now you all can kiss my...... - HDS 

MM: You know that bathroom scene? Well now I have to really do it.-  zevofb3k

Oh look, a penny.- Gizmo 

Bunny thinking: For being dead he shur has a nice bootom.*squeeze squeeze*  MM:Ouchhhhhh BUNNY!- zevofb3k 

President Priest: Kai, you've been checked for a carrot about 20 times now and you still want us to do it again....I'm beginning to worry about you, I think you are enjoying it!!!- NB1

MM: Here's one for the droolers...- Griever 

Alternate ending number one: Bunny lights a match. Universe explodes, with the Moby song 'We are All Made of Stars' playing in the background. - ottokell

Ack! That last batch of protoblood was NASTY!- Darcy




Kai is ecstatic with his purchase. The patented Handi-Kai has the tools and skills to take care of all those maintenance chores than Stan has been bugging him to do for the Lexx, while at the same time fixing Xev's little problems too!  - theFrey 

MM thinks: My my, what a package!   Pod guy thinks: Why does he have that look on his face?- Dee

Pod guy thinking: I coulda sold insurance for a living, eh? But noooo! I have to put on this doofy wig and be a stand-in for Laughing Boy there. - dgrequeen 

MM: ...And ladies, if you call within the next 10 minutes and use your Visa, MC, or Discover card, we'll send NOT ONLY the life-size, anatomically correct ' Deatholicious Kai ' love doll with Brunnen-G costume that changes from stylish 'Assassin Black' to 'Living Kai Color' with warm water for the ridiculously low price of $149.99, but we'll also throw in the Village People Costume Change Kit ABSOLUTELY FREE!!! The Kit comes with the Construction Worker look, as shown on our doll here, the Policeman Kai, Indian Kai, and Sailor Kai! And as if that wasn't enough, the 'Deatholicious Kai' doll's brace can be used as a can opener, coat hook, toilet snake, or a tow winch! Only through this special TV offer can you receive this amazing package delivered to your home in a handsome, one of a kind, cryopod carrying case! It makes a perfect stocking stuffer for the sex starved love slave on your Christmas shopping list!!! Next on QVC, the handy-dandy 790 fondue pot...- streudel 

I thought Stan was going to be the fluffer?!?" - Rev. Max 

MM: This Is my stand-in, isn't he Cute? He's coming home with me. - HDS

Uh-huh... damn union carpenters getting drunk on the job and falling asleep anywhere..... well, I showed him: super glued my extra wig to his head and his butt to the cryopod! - GreenLight

MM: Of course he looks pissed! You didn't really think it was ME in that cryopod for all that time?- sassyassassin 

This is the two Kai's, but only one is Michael McManus; can you tell which one it is?.?!- Jhevz 

MM: Wellll-helllll! Is that a laser gun in your pocket or are you glad to see me?????- NB1 

Suddenly thousands of female Lexx fans are reconsidering their position that there could never be a replacement for Kai!!!!- NB1

'HOME IMPROVEMENT: THE FUTURE YEARS' Can you say, 'I don't think so, Kai?' - ottokell 

Kai's Evil Younger Cooler brother joins the Lexx's crew and has his eyes on Xev. Kai's just happy that he has a brother and that he isn't really the last Brunnen G.  Kai: You want her? Take her! Please she's been after me for years! - Xev_Clusterlizard_loveslave

Twins Kais! They got tired of Arnold Swarzanager and Danny Davito! - ZEVOFB3K

MM: Now isn't he a better Kai! ... MM gulping! - zevofb3k

Kai: He may be Kai, but I'm cutier. - Kerri

See, there's really no need to cast me for another season.  This guy's perfect in the part.  Perfect!  I'm sure he'd do a much better job! - Honeybunny




MMM Twack does a traditional Canadian 'Crappy Shoot Completed' dance of joy. - theFrey

I know I dropped that cigarette around here...help me find it. I just lit it up too!- Ketana

MM: No, this is the way Jimmy Hendix plays guitar. - Jane

Oooo! Paul! I hope you brought the Immodium! - dgrequeen

Man I really have to pee!!! - Rev. Max 

The Peepee Dance!! - HDS 

MM goes postal after finding out they want him in 5.0 to 7.0. He looks kinda cute in blue jeans - zevofdb3k

No, just hold the lighter there damn it,.....I kid you not...give me a few more seconds to squeeze out another and you'll see the blue flame I was telling you about.......- GreenLight 

Okay....I'm confused again....I put my right foot out and then back in?- Menolie 

As if the lousy wig, homo robot and #@%# carrots weren't bad enough, now they've gone and painted my legs blue! - - sassyassassin

Another legendary Kai stance...- Griever 

As the rain dance came to an end, Michael had a sudden uneasy premonition they were all about to learn the origin of the expression 'raining pitchforks and hammer handles'- Wordsmith 

In his teen years, Kai often performed the 'Wedgie Dance' at impromptu roadside concerts, in the hopes of gathering enough spare change to have his older brother get some beers for him at the Brunnen Package Store...- ottokell

Kai was quickly disqualified for the title of 'Calvin Klein Male Model of the Year'.- ottokell

Xev attacked me again- Queen Vlad

PD and LG finally make good on their threat to dump MM off on a deserted road in Deliverance, Alabama for his incessant whining about Brian Downey getting top billing in the opening credits. Michael prepares to do his best RoadRunner imitation as he hears the words that make his blood run colder than an assassin's power rods in a cast-iron codpiece.   ' Stop the truck, Boy! That thar long haired sissy boy looks like he's a-needin' a ride.      Gee, Paw, he sure do have purty lips!- streudel

Paul off camera: Michael, Man, don't throw a hissy fit!! I don't know who lost the other half of your costume, we'll just film you from the waist up, Dude!!!!- NB1 

MM does the 'I want to be more than this character' dance for the agent gods in vain who laugh and laugh, KAI, KAI FOREVER! - Vextraxev


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